You know those moments in horror movies where a character is walking into a dark room they shouldn’t go into? You know it, they know it, but it still happens and the suspense of what terrible thing will be there when they turn on the light either makes you jump (when there is something) or sort of uncomfortably laugh (when the room is empty and they’ve tricked you).
Well, that’s what opening the door to a stall in a men’s public restroom is like in the States. Chances are you’re gonna encounter some horror.
But let’s say you don’t. You lucked out. Still you have to put a paper cover on a plastic seat, where the protective element doesn’t seem to outweigh the hassle element. Once you get this on, you sit down. You can see 3 things. The feet of the people to the other side of you, and the person who is staring at you through the crack in the door…trying to intimidate you into moving things along. The things you can smell and hear, well they are not good either, and there isn’t really any comradery in contributing.
If you’re like me, you’ve accepted that this is your reality and you do as much as you can to avoid these circumstances.
We’ve settled as a country. Things could be so much better.
“Western Toilet”. You see it everywhere, and it’s endearing that they call these little slices of Japanese heaven “western”, when if they knew how far we have let ourselves go.
Example:
This is a room. It has walls. It has a door. The walls and the door touch the floor and the ceiling. Grandslamoutoftheparkhomerun design already. But wait, there’s more.
Remember the part about noises? Well if you want to mask them, turn on the white noise. Oh, and smells? Hit the “powerful deodorizer” button.
Paper seat covers, nope. But a wall mounted thing of wet wipes (not pictured here) is cleaner anyway. And if the wet wipes made the seat too cold for your western butt, heat it up.
Does cleaning your self with dry paper really make sense? Really? Don’t think about it too much, but you know I’m right.
Just turn on the bidet, adjust the temp and water pressure and lets feel good about ourselves the rest of the day.
AND FINALLY…flush…and go wash your hands. But hey, that water that super clean, purified, ever rarer water that is just filling up your tank, how about we use that water to wash your hands first. Maybe we can be dignified and use our resources efficiently.
…they also have “eastern style” toilets here, if that’s your jam.
Japan 2016 
You’ve been teasing your readers recently with references to upcoming remarks on comparative “comfort stations,” and I, for one, am pleased that you found time to share this cultural experience with us. In a previous comment I suggested your travelogue talents were similar to those of Rick Steves; with this post you incorporate Mark Twain’s concise and humorous perspective. If the airline’s weight allowance is not prohibitive please bring home one of those western toilets for the faculty lounge and a Hello Kitty headband, too ^_^
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That is amusing that these fancy toilets are labeled as Western. I have a relative who was in the market for a fancy toilet during a remodel who referred to it as a Japanese fancy toilet.
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This is not the toilet I remember in the 70’s in my Japanese family’s home. There was a Western toilet in the house that was reserved for obaasan and ojiisan (grandmother and grandfather); but the rest of the family used the “Eastern” (in-ground) toilet. No bells and whistles with that one, and you had better have great knees and balance.
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Those toilet are amazingly civilized!
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